How to identify if you are self sabotaging!
How to identify if you are self sabataging!
by Sam de la Haye
Do you ever feel that someone is wasting your time? Perhaps you are sitting at the front of the class, eager to learn and you find yourself sitting there frustrated because you feel you know everything they are teaching you.
Or
Perhaps you are desperate to learn, but there is a negative voice in your head saying “I’m too old” “I’m not musical” or “I can’t sing”
Well, I want you to just stop!
Take a moment and question your feelings because you could be in self-sabotage mode!
You see learning a new skill can be both exciting and challenging. Whether you're trying to learn how to play the piano, sing, or write a song, and whether you like it or not sometimes our subconscious can get in the way of our progress!
Why?
Because it wants us to stay safe!
But the cost is it keeps us playing small.
Your mindset can have a huge impact on how successful you are in learning a new skill. In this blog, we'll discuss the importance of attitude in learning a new skill, and how having a growth mindset can help you achieve your goals.
Sabotage number 1: The “I can’t do it” Mindset
Often students come to me and say “I’m too old” or “I have small hands”. But here is the thing, they have not actually taken the time needed to learn the new skill!
If you approach learning the piano with a fixed mindset, you may believe that your abilities are predetermined and cannot be changed. You may think that if you're not naturally talented at playing the piano, there's no point in trying to learn. This kind of attitude can be detrimental to your learning, as it can prevent you from putting in the effort required to improve.
The best way to approach learning the piano/singing or songwriting is with a growth mindset. Whether you are a complete beginner or an advanced player there is always something new to learn! It's important to understand that knowing and doing are also two different things. You need to apply and practice what you have learnt. So many people are shown a technique once and don't realise the importance of integrating it into their practice
1. Practice Makes Perfect
By doing this you'll understand that making mistakes and struggling is a natural part of the learning process and that with practice, it is inevitable that you will improve. This kind of attitude will help you stay motivated and focused, even when you encounter difficulties.
Yes, practising can feel frustrating at times especially if progress isn’t made as quickly as one would like.
That’s why having a positive attitude is essential- it will help keep you motivated even when it feels like nothing is happening. Remind yourself that every little bit of practice counts-even if you only have 10 minutes a day! A few small steps each day will add up over time and eventually lead you closer to your goal.
2. It’s Never Too Late To Learn Something New
The most inspiring thing about learning any skill is that it’s never too late to start. Whether you want to learn how to play the piano, sing, or write songs, you can do it no matter what your age or experience level. Having an optimistic attitude and believing in yourself will help motivate you through each step of the process and keep you from feeling overwhelmed.
3. Focus on Your Strengths & Celebrate Your Progress
Instead of comparing yourself negatively with others or worrying about all the mistakes you make along the way, focus on your strengths and celebrate even your smallest successes! Congratulate yourself on completing scales correctly or memorizing a song after multiple attempts; these accomplishments may seem small, but they are definitely worth celebrating! Keeping this kind of mindset will help bolster your confidence and give you the motivation needed to keep going when things get tough.
Sabotage number 2: The “I know it all” Mindset
The other extreme I see in some of my previous students is the “I know it all” Mindset. This is a dangerous attitude to have and a form of self-sabotage.
Don't think this is you? Try this exercise:
Firstly close your eyes and put your hand over your heart,
Now ask yourself honestly, are you coachable?
What comes up for you? and be super honest….
The best singers in the world are curious, they ask the question what can I learn from this? They are constant students!
If you approach any of these musical skills with a fixed mindset and believe that you are a great singer and don’t need to improve you are leaving so much potential on the table!! You only know what you know!
What about what you don’t know You don’t know!
If you only work on things you think you need you may be holding yourself back from exploring your potential and developing your skills.
Ok Ok, I hear you Sam but really life is precious and I don’t have a lot of time to waste!
Ok so my next question to you is
Are you being impatient and pushing people and growth away to avoid feeling vulnerable or exposed?”
It can be scary to admit that we don't know something or that we need help. It can also be uncomfortable to receive feedback or criticism that challenges our beliefs or abilities. By convincing ourselves that we already know everything there is to know, we can protect ourselves from these uncomfortable feelings.
However, this kind of protection can come at a cost. When we think we already know everything, we're less likely to seek out new information or perspectives. We may be less likely to ask questions or explore new approaches because we believe that we already have all the answers, we may also be less likely to take risks or try new things. We may become complacent or stuck in our ways because we believe that we already have everything
On the other hand, if you approach these skills with a growth mindset, you'll understand that alot of the magic is from the chemistry of being surrounded by others who get your world! You understand that your singing/piano/songwriting skills will always be enhanced by being open to anyone you meet and work with - Because you know what you put in is what you get out of the relationship. You'll understand that improvement takes time and that setbacks are a natural part of the process. This kind of attitude will help you stay motivated and committed to your learning journey.
EEEK You got me! YUP I have been protecting myself - How can I change?
If you're struggling with this kind of mindset, please don't make yourself wrong! We have all been there but it's important to recognize it as self-sabotage.
Here are a few things you can do straight away to shift your attitude.
First, try to approach your learning with a beginner's mind. This means approaching each session as if it's the first time you're learning, without any preconceived notions or expectations.
Second, be open to feedback and take it as an opportunity to learn and grow.
Third, embrace the process of learning and be patient with yourself and others. Remember that growth and creativity take time and effort. It's a bit like a seed, you have to wait a while for the results to sprout
So let's take a minute to take stock of our attitude right now.
Are you talking negatively towards yourself? or are you pushing people away, by dismissing help?
The reality is that no one knows everything, and there's always more to learn. By embracing a growth mindset and staying open to new ideas and approaches, we can continue to develop our skills and achieve our goals. So, the next time you find yourself thinking that you know nothing and can't do it or feel you know everything, take a step back and remind yourself that this is a journey of exploration and there's always more to learn.
